My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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