I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there