I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
