Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.