just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen