toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wanna go halves on a baby?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up