I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.