Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.