were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is