Texts From Last Night

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  and you said cock pushups were impossible

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  (705): and you said cock pushups were impossible http://tfl.nu/k08s
  Replies (9) Good night (3485) Bad night (602)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home

  (248): View more from Michigan

  r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?

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  (201): I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home (248) r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore? http://tfl.nu/fb8r
  Replies (17) Good night (924) Bad night (2606)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college

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  (765): I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college http://tfl.nu/2g0y
  Replies (19) Good night (5172) Bad night (568)
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  (716): View more from New York

  sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner

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  (716): sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner http://tfl.nu/i2lb
  Replies (10) Good night (1154) Bad night (3919)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

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  (702): I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high. http://tfl.nu/9ove
  Replies (27) Good night (1362) Bad night (5169)
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  (951): View more from California

  I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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  (951): I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved http://tfl.nu/ox8t
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (2428)
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  (209): View more from California

  There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.

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  (209): There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them. http://tfl.nu/h2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (2711) Bad night (1165)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.

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  (513): I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake. http://tfl.nu/fip9
  Replies (8) Good night (4308) Bad night (1090)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.

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  (601): Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin. http://tfl.nu/g9sf
  Replies (36) Good night (4187) Bad night (1725)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

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  (248): Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs http://tfl.nu/e5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (2061) Bad night (1126)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.

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  (770): Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob. http://tfl.nu/4q4p
  Replies (9) Good night (1896) Bad night (1102)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  RIP Mr Bojangles.

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  (910): In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic. (919): RIP Mr Bojangles. http://tfl.nu/00j7
  Replies (13) Good night (1207) Bad night (2179)
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  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

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  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1439) Bad night (5428)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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  (251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj
  Replies (14) Good night (984) Bad night (2571)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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  (740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s
  Replies (22) Good night (909) Bad night (5548)

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