so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All the doctor said was why
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