ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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