I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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