Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i out mim tonsoeep
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
