her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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