Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize