Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
