Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
