i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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