Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I touched a dick in church today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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