i would punch a child for taco bell
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You pole danced in your parka.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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