Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
