the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
