I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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