Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
