I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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