so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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