Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
