i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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