weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
