if you like me you must not know who I am
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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