the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
