I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
