I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
