Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
