it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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