When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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