so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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