The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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