I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
