good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
