I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
