I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
