i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am available for nakedness
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
