hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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