i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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