im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
