my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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