I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
