I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
