I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
