you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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