I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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