next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
