all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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