I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
