hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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