I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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