jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I AM VODKA MAN
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
