If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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