if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
