can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
