she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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