Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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