I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
