i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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