I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
