That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
