I'm passing your future prison.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
