I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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