I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
