Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
