you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
