so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
