Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
