I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want is dick and wine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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