I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
