singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
