I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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